How does this part sound?

It sounds very melodramatic and kind of fake. There are a number of grammar mistakes, and way way way too many commas. Just FYI, writing long, descriptive passages about someone feeling sad is generally considered bad writing, as is having the character's thoughts be in quotations. If you're not going to include any specific details, or use the character's voice in the thoughts, then you shouldn't focus on internal "OH LOOK AT ME I'M SO DEEP AND EMOTIONAL" passages.